Guru
The Guru (as the Self) through Grace, pulls one towards Him like a magnet, and the effortless and natural movement towards the Guru (Self) is the path. Guru, Grace, and the path are one.
These days, big machines are repairing damaged roads everywhere. When driving to Tasty Cafe this morning, it’s already much easier to access. Also, the road to the Ashram from Ganga Maa is newly built. I tried a muesli with curd this morning, it was really good.
Ganga Maa in her grace is pulling me towards her, I can’t find better words for this.
Today’s satsang was quiet and peaceful for about the first 25 minutes. Amma looked around, blessing everyone profusely with her presence. Then a gentleman asked a question – how does one deal with fears? There are some recurrent fears that keep arising.
Amma responded softly – it is better not to deal with them. Fears will arise from time to time. Just know them as being illusory. For example, the fear of death, fears of losing something – all of these are illusory. They may arise but they will also subside within you. Look at them and just know them to not be real. You know you are the full. There is nothing you can lose.
The gentleman persisted – but what if the fears are about others?
Amma responded – it’s the same thing. Those others are not outside you. The fears arise within you and subside within you. They are not outside you. So those fears are also not real.
Another gentleman then asked – how do I cut off the mind at the root? I can see quietude in the mind, but it still causes a lot of problems for me.
After a short pause, Amma responded softly – do you have a mind? What is mind? It is only a collection of thoughts. What value does it have? We give so much of value to it and we call it mind.
After another short pause, Amma said – where do thoughts arise from and subside into?
The gentleman responded – from the self.
Amma said – yes. So just stay as the self. Whether thoughts arise and subside, or not, how does it matter? Don’t care. If you stay as the self, you have nothing to do with them.
A lady then said with a sincere smile – Amma, could I request you to please sing a song? Sometimes I see in the transcripts that are posted in the WhatsApp group that you sing, Amma. I am leaving back for Russia tomorrow and nothing would give me greater joy than to hear you sing before I leave. It would be my most cherished moment for my entire life, if I can say so. Could you please sing?
Amma smiled and looking around, said – see what all they make me do? Today is a devotee’s birthday. He should sing a song, Amma said with a smile, looking at the devotee.
When the devotee did not sing rightaway, Amma said – what to do? This is a problem of Advaita. There is no my, his. So, everyone’s singing becomes one.
A gentleman then said – Amma, I wanted to clarify something. When you said to cut off the mind, you’re saying repress it, but don’t take it seriously. Is that what you mean?
Amma responded – yes. As you are in the self, you will not take it so seriously. Once you are identified with thoughts, it takes you off the self. Come to the self and see there is no mind there. It is not serious to be looking at it.
A lady then asked – how do I know and experience Advaita? I always see duality in terms of me being different from God and others and so on. I would like to feel God and me being the same.
Amma smiled and responded – in the beginning, this is not so easy. Where is the duality existing? Only in thoughts. When we sleep, there is no duality. Because there is no mind. There is no ego which is rising up to see anything. If that kind of restfulness, if it comes even in the jagrat (waking state), you will realize there is only one. The hindrance is only the mind, and the ego. Both are almost the same. So, we separate the self into yourself and the other self. There are two selves within us. So one individual self is rising up from the one pure self and then it says, I am. And from that I, you, he, she, everything comes.
Amma added – in the beginning itself, that I, if it doesn’t rise, it comes back to the source. And then, I am in the center. In that center there is no many. If I don’t rise separately from my own existence as an ego consciousness, there is no many
here. Do you realize? So, the first is I. I am separate, then everything else also exists as a separate individuality. Then you see everything is different. When that I subsides, you know there is no many here. There is only one, not even one two. What exists is only the one pure consciousness which we see as divided as ego and individuals, different forms, different names. But it’s all in the one consciousness. Everything, every jiva rises within you and subsides within you. And you alone exist.
Amma continued – Bhagwan said – everything rises and subsides in you, but you stay as the pure existence, O Arunachala.
Amma went on – what is Arunachala? It is pure consciousness. So that has to be realized subjectively. Not as an object like – oh everyone is equal. That is an imagination. That is thought. Whereas we must see “am I a second one within me”? When that second one subsides, what exists is one. So, the separation is not outside, it is within us.
The gentleman whose birthday it is then sang a song as requested by Amma. He sang a Shiva Bhajan – Shivaya Namah Shiva, Shivaya Namah Shiva, Shivaya Namah Om Namah Shivaya.
A gentleman then followed up and asked Amma – in the previous question, Amma advised to ignore all thoughts. Should I strive to not have a separate I from the consciousness?
Amma responded – yes. It’s good to have it as a bhavana, it’s the truth. But there you don’t need a mind to imagine. You are not that. It’s your imagination that there is only one. It’s so real to you. When the imagination is there, it is there. Otherwise, it goes away. Whatever the mind imagines that becomes true too. So that bhavana is good. But still we have to go beyond it and realize.
Amma then surprised everyone by singing a beautiful song of Parvati singing about Shiva’s greatness:
“You are covered in a golden glow
You sit on a majestic tiger skin
You are the jewel of all jewels
When I have you by my side who else can I think about but you?”
Amma herself explained all the words along with a Swamiji’s help.
After the song was complete, Amma said – sometimes bhakthas are at a loss for words to describe Shiva’s qualities and beauty. What bhaava, Amma exclaimed.
Amma sang the last line once again – whatever is here is only you. When I have you beside me, who else can I think about but you?
Amma then smiled, got up and ended the satsang.
Flood damaged roads are being repaired, and the setting is slowly returning to normal. The hall is full with attendees by 9:20 am. Amma enters and the room is filled with serenity. The satsang is in silence for 20 minutes.
A devotee shares with Amma her observations on her thoughts, actions and memories and whether she should be concerned about forgetfulness. She gives an example of forgetting an action and retracing her steps. It feels like the mind is dissolving, is this spiritual progress or maybe dementia? (laughter)
With kindness Amma says: Nothing is wrong. Even Amma forgets what has happened sometimes. The mind forgets an action, it does not matter. Everything is fine.
Next a question from the side: How can I nourish my intentions? I can see how my mind becomes clouded and the body gets sleepy and the intentions lose strength.
Amma : Slowly and steadily our intentions become clearer. It is the mind at work creating distractions and sleepiness.
Then a question from the floor: Amma I see you are in grace all the time. Is that an invitation from you for us to be in grace?
Amma : Who is not in grace? Right now, how did you get here? It’s only grace inviting itself. Yes, no? But is it an invitation? If grace invites us, we would reply, sorry I’m too busy for your invitation, I have too many other things to do. (laughter)
Actually grace is pulling you here – it is irresistible – without the mind even realising it. That is the power of grace.
Then Amma recites from Akashara Mana Malai, (first in Tamil):
Chin dit tarul pada, chilan dipōl katti
Chirai yit tun-danai, Arunāchalā.
(And then in English):
Watching like a spider to trap me in the web of grace,
You did entwine me and feed upon me, Oh Arunachala!
Then with some passion, a devotee believes that Amma’s grace is always there. It is like rain; we can drench ourselves if we come out from where we are to where the grace is and receive it.
Another devotee shares his experience of grace in Amma’s presence, but he says there still is a shadow within. Another devotee concurs, that she has deep gratitude but there remains a fear that it can be taken away or lost.
With compassion, Amma responds: When you rest in the knowledge that everything is already done, no shadow or anxiety can remain. Rest in this knowledge. The Self is more anxious about you than you. It cares more about you than you. Its compassion is much more than us. So why worry? Just be in full acceptance without any judgment of this moment, don’t say oh this is good – this is bad.
A devotee says: But Amma, how can I stop this judgment?
Amma: This knowledge will take it away. There is no other way.
After a pause Amma shares with conviction: Yoga Vasishta says, there are three things that are inevitable when you are in association with the truth or in Satsang:
(1) adversity becomes prosperity – every adverse situation has something hidden within it to take you to something higher, something better. This knowledge will remove suffering in such situations.
(2) emptiness becomes fulfillment – even if you have everything in the outside world, there is still a sense of lack within. The removal of this sense of lack within is what we say is fulfillment.
(3) you go from death to immortality – the fear of death is removed and we realize our immortal true nature.
Yes, everything will be turned on its head. When we are in proximity of the truth this will happen.
Driving back I nearly crashed with an Indian man. He had an umbrella for sun protection and tried to cross the road without looking for the traffic. I just came to a stop close to him.
I didn’t go out for lunch today; I was not hungry. Instead, I had a longer nap. When I came back to an awake state in the afternoon, I thought about having a coffee in the Inner Child Restaurant. I met Konstantin there, and we talked for a while. Konstantin left Ukraine 30 years ago and is working for the UNO, first in the U.S.A. and then in Austria. He is planning to get a job in Thailand. He never has Visa issues, which is quite nice.
From the Restaurant I drove straight to the Sriramanasramam. I was sitting for a while meditating in the Samadhi hall. When I left the Ashram I met Jonatan and we decided to have dinner together at Ramana Restaurant. It’s close to where we live and it just opened again today. Let’s try something new.
Jonatan and I had some french fries with tomato ketchup. It was the first time in India eating this. They were very well made.
To close the day we had a masala chai at Sathya’s, then went back home.
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